No, not that new year. The real new year. The anniversary of that day at which human culture peaked with the inception of Superosity. Modern civilisation is now 15 years old, may it ever prosper.
So many amazing things have happened in the past year. Too many to document. Did anybody notice the new Mars-based origin of Santa Claus, who was granted powers by a Martian wizard dressed like a solar politician? Could all these space references confirm the veracity of events depicted by a certain series of schools plays? Only time will tell, and time ain't talking.
I tried asking some thyme instead, but it told me I was partaking of a stupid pun which demarcated me as an individual well below its own intellectual status. It also pointed out that "ain't" isn't a real word. It refused to converse any further with me, completely ignoring me no matter what I said. I always knew herbs were a snobby form of flavouring. Henceforth it's nothing but good honest doses of salt, fat, and sugar for me.
The most exciting introduction from the past year, however, is very possibly a certain duck. What duck, you ask? If you have been reading Superosity you should already know. Well, don't worry, maybe we'll discuss that another day. No reason to let you gobble everything down at once.
Wait, it's turkeys that gobble. I should have said "no reason to serve all the quackers at once." For you to gobble up immediately, because they're all served up at once. I mean like crackers. "Crackers" sounds similar to "quackers."
Oh, duck it.